Saturday, 22 March 2014

Modiji and friends quiz (part 1)

1) Who said about whom: "In any free country, a person like him would be shot dead"? (answer.)

2) Who has a 56 inch chest? (answer.)

3) If Scottish-island-owning godman Baba Ramdev sticks to his claim that he will meet 50 crore (500 million) people in 2 years, how many people will he have to meet per day? (answer.)

4) Whose self-declared goal is: "qualifying and fitting our boys for the game of killing masses of men with the ambition of winning victory with the best possible causalities [sic] of dead and wounded while causing the utmost possible to the adversary..."? (answer.)

5) Which of these is VHP leader Pravin Togadia's favourite person: Asaram Bapu, Swami Aseemanand or Maya Kodnani? (answer.)

6) What links V. D. Savarkar and Nathuram Godse to the Malegaon blasts? (answer.)

7) Who said "If Modi works 16 hours, people will ask why he doesn't work 18 hours. People expect a lot from Narendra Modi." (answer.)

8) Who said: "It is everybody's knowledge that this [Gujarat] government has been reaping very rich political dividends, since last 12 years, by keeping the glow of encounter cases alive in the sky of Gujarat"? (answer.)

9) Which Harvard alumnus said: "make learning of Sanskrit and singing of Vande Mataram mandatory, and declare India a Hindu Rashtra in which non-Hindus can vote only if they proudly acknowledge that their ancestors were Hindus"? (answer.)

10) Who did Modi-bhakts in comment-land say the following about? "THIS RELIC OF A CHAP", "he seems have plan of sabotage with snake nitish", "His time has gone, he failed", " a spoiled child all the time", "CRAZY OLD MAN... GROW UP TAKE SOME VIGRA PILLS", "extremely selfish on his part". (answer.)

11) What links Amit Shah, facing charges of murder and being head of an extortion syndicate; Sahara chief Subrata Roy, currently in jail for fraud; Asaram Bapu, facing charges of sexual assault against a minor; and BS Yeddyurappa, still facing corruption charges? (answer.)

12) Who believes in an immediate death penalty for corruption and adultery without scope for a mercy petition? (answer.)

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Friday, 14 March 2014

The Modi wave

What is the Modi wave? Physicists are searching for new theories to explain it. Is it connected with the hand pointing skywards? Is Leaderji on it, in it or under it? Could it be an electromagnetic wave heading harmlessly into the distance, at most hitting an atom to cause short-lived excitement?

No one knows the exact answers, but most experts think it is most like an ocean wave causing a prolonged disturbance as it heads for shore. They think Leaderji is riding the wave, but are unsure how stably he is standing. If it is an ocean wave, then it needs wind to drive it, and they have identified a powerful wind machine providing this: a virtual 3D Leaderji in 53 locations (for a few million dollars); 200 LED-screen trucks traversing UP with the soothing message 'Modi aane wala hai'; chai pe charcha - with the small risk of some chai-stains ending on the Leaderji-faced tea cups.

But such gusts are not enough to whip up a wave: steady wind over a wide area is needed. The experts have now found armies of latest-technology-powered mini wind generators. These whirr into action in the ancient kingdoms of comment-land and twitterstan: the nation is facing a plague of "spineless blood sucking congie leeches", Kejriwal is a "USA chamcha with naxalite ideas", Sagarika Ghose is a bitch, that too a smelly one. But Leaderji "gives us hope", writes Ananth. Prasad gets poetic: "Life is not worth living without a lofty dream to pursue". Madhav is "gonna stand for Modi till death".

Thus the mini-winds which start life in twitterstan and comment-land journey to the sea. Fuelled, the mighty wave gathers pace, picking up debris as it moves. A Yeddy falls off but is later spotted back in the foam. A Paswan jumps into the wave just in time nearly missing it as it passes. There's some inevitable friction as battling cousins realise there may no longer be space for two on the wave. The debris is now so great it seems you need a ticket to be part of it.

That's the current state of knowledge. Physicists do not yet know the end of this story. Does the wave continue to grow and proudly reach the shore? Does it break too early? Could Leaderji fall off?