Modiji and friends quiz (part 1)

1) Who said about whom: "In any free country, a person like him would be shot dead"? (answer.)

Nathuram Godse's brother Gopal Godse, co-conspirator in Gandhi's murder, said this about Gandhi. In his last interview in 2000 he said, "In any free country, a person like [Gandhi] would be shot dead". He also said, "All the [Godse] brothers were in the RSS. Nathuram, Dattatreya, myself and Govind. You can say we grew up in the RSS rather than in our home. It was like a family to us... He has said in his statement that he left the RSS. He said it because [Madhav Sadashiv] Golwalkar and the RSS were in a lot of trouble after the murder of Gandhi. But he did not leave the RSS."

2) Who has a 56 inch chest? (answer.)

Almost certainly not Narendra Modi. A 56 inch chest is apparently size XXXXXL and most shops and size guides don't go up to this size at all. He'd need a good tailor. If he does have a chest this size, he should probably consider vegetarianism and some beauty consciousness.

3) If Scottish-island-owning godman Baba Ramdev sticks to his claim that he will meet 50 crore (500 million) people in 2 years, how many people will he have to meet per day? (answer.)

About 684,000 people. Rather more than the entire population of Kochi. But then he is a great man. He can do it.

4) Whose self-declared goal is: "qualifying and fitting our boys for the game of killing masses of men with the ambition of winning victory with the best possible causalities [sic] of dead and wounded while causing the utmost possible to the adversary..."? (answer.)

The Bhonsala Military School praised by RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat who said "military schools run under the aegis of Hindutva institutions are the need of the hour".

5) Which of these is VHP leader Pravin Togadia's favourite person: Asaram Bapu, Swami Aseemanand or Maya Kodnani? (answer.)

Hard to say. The godman facing charges of sexual assault against a minor, the RSS worker who has admitted to various terrorist acts and the convicted mass murderer are all Hindu leaders facing persecution for Togadia. See my previous blog post on the family.

6) What links V. D. Savarkar and Nathuram Godse to the Malegaon blasts? (answer.)

Apart from the obvious ideological and historical links? Probably many things, including Himani Savarkar, Godse's niece married to V. D. Savarkar's nephew (they like to keep it in the family). She is founder of Abhinav Bharat, the splinter group linked to several acts of saffron terror. She has also said "We must declare ourselves a Hindu rashtra where everyone is a Hindu. Anyone who isn't should be declared a second-class citizen and denied voting rights."

7) Who said "If Modi works 16 hours, people will ask why he doesn't work 18 hours. People expect a lot from Narendra Modi." (answer.)

You guessed it! Narendra Modi himself in an interview with Urdu Weekly Nai Duniya. He likes referring to himself in the third person.

8) Who said: "It is everybody's knowledge that this [Gujarat] government has been reaping very rich political dividends, since last 12 years, by keeping the glow of encounter cases alive in the sky of Gujarat"? (answer.)

This is the flowery prose of jailed supercop and former loyal soldier of Modi, D.G. Vanzara in his resignation letter.

9) Which Harvard alumnus said: "make learning of Sanskrit and singing of Vande Mataram mandatory, and declare India a Hindu Rashtra in which non-Hindus can vote only if they proudly acknowledge that their ancestors were Hindus"? (answer.)

Modi-loving BJP politician Subramanian Swami. He has said a lot more than this.

10) Who did Modi-bhakts in comment-land say the following about? "THIS RELIC OF A CHAP", "he seems have plan of sabotage with snake nitish", "His time has gone, he failed", "...like a spoiled child all the time", "CRAZY OLD MAN... GROW UP TAKE SOME VIGRA PILLS", "extremely selfish on his part". (answer.)

The grand old man of BJP politics, L. K. Advani himself (these were all comments on various newspaper articles - you can find the phrases easily by googling them). Advani wanted to contest the upcoming election from Bhopal, not Gandhinagar - the BJP gave in, after the intervention of the RSS. Still, how betrayed he must feel after all his hard work creating a national party out of the BJP via the Ayodhya dispute.

11) What links Amit Shah, facing charges of murder and being head of an extortion syndicate; Sahara chief Subrata Roy, currently in jail for fraud; Asaram Bapu, facing charges of sexual assault against a minor; and BS Yeddyurappa, still facing corruption charges? (answer.)

Probably many things link these people. But Hindutva ideologue and so-called top lawyer Ram Jethmalani has represented all of them.

12) Who believes in an immediate death penalty for corruption and adultery without scope for a mercy petition? (answer.)

It's super-rich godman Baba Ramdev again. He said: "We want a law that seeks death penalty for corruption, adultery, rape and dowry. The law should be such that the capital punishment is awarded immediately to the guilty and there should not be any scope for mercy petitions."

A safe seat

After a desperate search Leaderji finally finds a safe seat.

The Modi wave

What is the Modi wave? Physicists are searching for new theories to explain it. Is it connected with the hand pointing skywards? Is Leaderji on it, in it or under it? Could it be an electromagnetic wave heading harmlessly into the distance, at most hitting an atom to cause short-lived excitement?

No one knows the exact answers, but most experts think it is most like an ocean wave causing a prolonged disturbance as it heads for shore. They think Leaderji is riding the wave, but are unsure how stably he is standing. If it is an ocean wave, then it needs wind to drive it, and they have identified a powerful wind machine providing this: a virtual 3D Leaderji in 53 locations (for a few million dollars); 200 LED-screen trucks traversing UP with the soothing message 'Modi aane wala hai'; chai pe charcha - with the small risk of some chai-stains ending on the Leaderji-faced tea cups.

But such gusts are not enough to whip up a wave: steady wind over a wide area is needed. The experts have now found armies of latest-technology-powered mini wind generators. These whirr into action in the ancient kingdoms of comment-land and twitterstan: the nation is facing a plague of "spineless blood sucking congie leeches", Kejriwal is a "USA chamcha with naxalite ideas", Sagarika Ghose is a bitch, that too a smelly one. But Leaderji "gives us hope", writes Ananth. Prasad gets poetic: "Life is not worth living without a lofty dream to pursue". Madhav is "gonna stand for Modi till death".

Thus the mini-winds which start life in twitterstan and comment-land journey to the sea. Fuelled, the mighty wave gathers pace, picking up debris as it moves. A Yeddy falls off but is later spotted back in the foam. A Paswan jumps into the wave just in time nearly missing it as it passes. There's some inevitable friction as battling cousins realise there may no longer be space for two on the wave. The debris is now so great it seems you need a ticket to be part of it.

That's the current state of knowledge. Physicists do not yet know the end of this story. Does the wave continue to grow and proudly reach the shore? Does it break too early? Could Leaderji fall off?